Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
