I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
