i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize