meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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