I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
