Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
