I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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