Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
