Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
