no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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