Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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