He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
