I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
