I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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