We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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