do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
