Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
