$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize