that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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