I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize