Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
