I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
