I need help removing her.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
