I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
