You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
