he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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