I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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