I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i out mim tonsoeep
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