I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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