Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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