Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
