We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
