I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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