cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
