U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she woke up with a sticky ear
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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