Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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