dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
