I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
