I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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