kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize