How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
