I wish I could teleport
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
