Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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