just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
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Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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