today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
