You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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