He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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