Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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