I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she was so not down for the gang bang
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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