The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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