I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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