you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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