K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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