Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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