I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
