She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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