On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
