How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
