He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's official drugs can't kill me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
