So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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