Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
