In America we eat man semen.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
