There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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